I hate feeling this way. I just hate you so much, but at the same time I don’t want to let you go. Something always brings me back to you and I’m your puppet once again. I guess you were a mistake I knew I was making. I just don’t want to feel anymore.
I originally started this blog as a place to write. It was a writing outlet where I could produce intellectual thoughts and ideas that were relevant. I loved that I could write sentence after sentence uncensored and unfiltered without trying to please an audience. But now whenever I begin to type something up, I end up clicking the cancel button or closing the window entirely. I no longer feel that I have a free and open writing outlet knowing that there’s an audience that actually knows me or can peer deeper than what I am on the surface. I’m starting off new, if you find me, you find me, if not oh well.
I look back to past relationships that could’ve been, those relationships that ended because of something silly or stupid. I wondered what it would be like If thing’s worked out the way I wanted them to. But then I remembered that if I was the right person, they would’ve fought harder to keep me around.
I close my eyes and all I can see is shattered metal and glass, people screaming and crying. Their cries and screams are drowned out only by the ambulance and police sirens in the background. I open my eyes and return back to the feeling like I can’t live with myself anymore. I have the urge to throw up, hoping to rid myself of my guilt and wrongs.
What have I done.
I just hope it’s not the later
Lately I’ve been a bit stressed out and I don’t even know why. Everything in my life has been going really great too.
I don’t know why the sudden spur of stress and anxiety but I need to find a why to unwind and relax. I think I just need a day to myself to just be alone.